All my life God has called to my heart, longing to create with me a great and epic love story. From birth I saw him court me through the love of my mother, father, sister, and church. But it wasn’t until I was seven that I accepted it as my own.
I had lost a ring and completely destroyed the house looking for it. My mom suggested praying but I knew God didn’t care about a ring; he had the world to think about. The few worlds I mumbled were more a joke then out of any sincerity but within seconds I found my ring and the joke was over. There in my room the God of the entire universe was offering me a ring, a proposal for a personal love relationship with Him. I realized that He cared about every little detail of my life and he wanted to be a part of it all. That was when I fell in love with Jesus.
I believe we are made for a passionate romance with God but as I got older I found myself getting caught up in the steps of being a Christian. Suddenly there was no adventure. I had put God in a box and all His strength and glory were lost in my eyes. As a result, my time and passion focused elsewhere: boys, school, money, sports, friends. But all the things I had put my life into failed me. Because my god in a box was too small to handle my problems, I turned all of my pain and emotions inward, where depression and death became the puppet strings of my heart.
There is a quote that says “He has followed us into our own darkness; there where we thought finally to escape him, we run straight into his arms. Our hope is in his determination to save us, and he will not give in.” I can remember everything about the morning God exploded out of my box. It felt like I was hit by a train and all I could do was fall flat on my face. God was not the powerless being I thought him to be; No, that morning I was hit with the wild, reckless, dangerous strength of the living God. I was terrified and ashamed but slowly over time He drew me back to that moment of love, when He first offered me that ring. In Hosea is says, “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion”. God has been teaching me how to live like this, with all my passion and love towards Him, and nothing else. That passion has led me here to Food for the Hungry, to serve His people. And I know this is just the beginning of the epic story He has for me.
Confession and healing
2 years ago